the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
