I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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