apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
