just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
