I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
