My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
