the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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