Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
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