Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
