Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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