im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
