note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
zippers are such a cool invention
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
