it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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