Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
