if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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