just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
