vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
