I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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