Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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