why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
