the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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