Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
