i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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