when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
