I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
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I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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