I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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