I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
