I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
