Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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