The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
