Just fell off a train. Bad.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
