he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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