I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
