I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Two words: blizzard sex
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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