every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
