listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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