does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
