Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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