You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
