I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
