A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
