if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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