the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
