You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
