my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
we're making bets on your personal life
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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