I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
