They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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