just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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