im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
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I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
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Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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