So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
