I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
