i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
