now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
