I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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