Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
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you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
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