Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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