She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
