u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
