First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
