I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
worst night to have a conscience
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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