The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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