Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize