i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
